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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 11:36 am 
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bnjmnrlyr wrote:
Hmm...

so there is a girl at work who is expressing interest in "hooking up".
Which is good.



... i think.

Here's the details:

*I'm closing in on 40, she's 22
*I've been single going on 10 years now, she's just getting out of a 3 year relationship.
*she is very open about only wanting a "rebound that I can 'play' with and not have all the attached commitment"
*there is a very obvious physical attraction, but really not much else
*we've worked together for 5 years now and, as is wont to happen in a restaurant, we all know EVERYTHING about eachother already

So, my question is:
Do I put a stop to this now or do I let it go forth?

We both understand what the other is looking for and how we will "fit" into each others lives. We won't be "dating", and either can call it quits at a moments notice. We both agree that it could be fun, but probably not something we should let go public.

I'm really not certain here. On the one hand, it'll be great for me physically, and most likely for my ego and confidence, to be "hooking up with" a 22 year old. On the other hand, the wiser, older man in me says, "stay back, this'll be trouble"

There is a lot of potential for people to get hurt here (she only sees this as me and her, I see it as me and her and how that might affect my son ...) and if any one at work WERE to get wind of this I am sure it will cause some rifts in the team and social dynamics that might not be repairable (but it is a job I am actively looking to end so is that truly an issue at this point?)

Advice?


If you just want some gratutious sex and really can handle something like that (basically friends with benefits) then okay.

BUT, if you are looking for a relationship that may go somewhere, I would recommend against it. I work with 20 somethings and sex with them is like going out for a movie and a burger when I was a teenager. But, 20 year olds today are, frankly, flaky. Be careful.


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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 11:42 am 
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Glenn must really want you to take his advice- or he really just likes using the phrase gratuitous sex on a toy site without being banned.. :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:51 pm 
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:lol: :lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:30 am 
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:wink:


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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:53 am 
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OK ...
time for an update I guess.

So, I started going out after work with the girl from the previous few posts and another co-worker (also the 1st girls closest friend and also only 22. We'll call original girl "A" and new girl "B").

Things weren't really working out with "A". She really took her newly single status and started running with it. She was out with a different guy each night of the week and sharing too many details with me for me to be able to trust that she could keep anything we might do confidential. Plus she would just drop out of conversations in the middle with no warning and no interest in trying to pick anything back up. Every encounter felt like a 1st encouter and it was a bit disconcerting.

Girl "B", on the other hand, really started to hit it off with me. We were spending more time talking than Girl "A" and I were, and found we had much more in common (similar appreciation of authors and books, similar taste in movies, academic pursuits, etc.).

So, I drove Girl "B" home one night as Girl "A" ditched us both for a "date" she had met only minutes earlier. I was invited in, met her roommate, and we went out to the enclosed porch for another beer and a continuation of the conversation.

I knew that "A" and "B" shared almost everything, and I started to ask her what she knew about the "relationship" that "A" and I had toyed with setting up.

Come to find out, she knew almost everything (still more assurance that discretion was not in the makeup of Girl "A"), and, to surprise me even more, said that she was "... intrigued..."

I took a nice, long, slow, sip of my beer to study her and try to get a read on why she put that out there.

I then put down my beer and I kissed her.
...and it was received and returned with a lot of enthusiasm.

We went back and forth between conversation and making out. Setting up rules for how and when and where it would be OK to get together and why we both wanted discretion to be the primary focus of what we were starting. We both agreed on the pitfalls of letting anyone at work find out about us. We both agreed that starting slow would be best. And we both felt an enormous amount of attraction building.

Over the course of 2 weeks Girl "B" and I had gotten together for a "casual night of exploration" (her term for hooking up) a few times and still had amazing and meaningful conversations on the days between. We were good about keeping things at the same level at work and no one seemed to be the wiser which made it that much more exciting.

Now, on Saturday we went to a work Halloween party. Arrived separately, kept our distance, but kept stealing glances at each other. She was flirting with other guys (on purpose and only when she knew I was watching specifically for my reaction), and I maintained conversations with those employees closer in age to me.

Eventually we all ended up gathered around a bonfire and we were next to eachother. At one point, I leaned over to her and asked her to meet me in the basement where the "haunted house" was set up.

I left, she followed a few minutes later, and we lasted all of about 30 seconds before we were concerned that someone else might suspect something and we left.

She got drunk, and very openly flirty with everyone, and by the end of the night, those of us who were still there were getting more of a show than any one intended. I grabbed her up, collected her things, pulled out the father card, and drove her home amid her protests to just take her upstairs and have my way with her.

Needless to say, the next day at work, people were talking. And she isn't taking it well. I've tried to shut down the one or two people that were brave enough to confront me, but as is wont to happen in such environments, its gotten way out of hand and way beyond realistic.

She isn't talking to me now. She told me she needs time and distance. I tried to tell her that if we talked with eachother about it we could get through it on our terms and shut down any rumors at work we didn't want there. But we had to do it together. She got madder at me, and that was the last I have heard from her.

So...
This was actually starting to be something more than just a casual tryst. Surprisingly, I have a lot to talk about with Girl "B", and I'm not sure I want this to be the end. At the same time, Girl "A" has stepped up and started re-addressing she and I getting together (apparently Girl "B" never said anything to her about us which is another reason why I still want to make a go of it with her)...

... and I'm back to needing advice.

I am so outside of my comfort zone here, guys.
Any insight from a neutral party would be much appreciated.

If you are one of my closer friends on the board and need more details as to how this all built up and progressed, shoot me a pm.

Thanks

Burly

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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 11:18 am 
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Ok, Girl " A " was a mess to begin with so avoid her advances at all costs because that is nothing but trouble. Plus if you really want to pursue girl " B " still ( I really can't understand why you would though? ), Hooking up with girl " A " will just blow any small chance that there is ( which seems pretty slim now anyway)

I warned you don't date anyone at work, it always turns into problems. Especially messing with these young girls at work. Dude I can tell by the way you are talking. You are all hung up on this girl & looking for something more. You seem like a good guy that is looking for some stability. You can't just do the " bang out " & take it as just that. You & girl " B " are obviously in 2 different worlds, no matter if you want to realize it or not. OK, it's nice that you have some things in common blah, blah, blah, But for the most part these younger girls are wild & you aren't ever going to have a real relationship with one. Just the fact that she got all liquored up & gave everyone more of a show than imagined is a sign. How are you going to feel being with someone that probably does things like that on a regular basis? IMO I would personally walk away as fast as I can from this whole scenario & chalk it up to a month or so of fun.

But it's your life, pursue her if you want to be miserable for the months on end.


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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 11:52 am 
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Step back and take a deep breath.

I know that is tough to do when you two seemed to connect so quickly, but I cannot recommend it enough.

"B" may be embarrassed over being held accountable for her actions and, with time, she may come back around to you. But that is only going to happen if you give her some space.

I hope things work out.


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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:58 pm 
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Glenn2000 wrote:
Step back and take a deep breath.

I know that is tough to do when you two seemed to connect so quickly, but I cannot recommend it enough.

"B" may be embarrassed over being held accountable for her actions and, with time, she may come back around to you. But that is only going to happen if you give her some space.

I hope things work out.


Trust me, Bro I date a lot of women & see things like this all the time & this was probably just not a one time occurance that she is embarrassed over. Women who do things like that at parties blame the alcohol, but usually will do things like that on a regular basis. The OP seems like a good dude who is looking for something with meaning from the way he described his story. Girl " B " isn't the girl for him, it will just bring him even more heartache down the road.


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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 7:21 pm 
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Run. Run far and fast away from both girls.

And that's ultimately the point, they are girls. You need a woman, not a girl. You're not in your 20's anymore. You've got baggage (like a son with a disability and an unsupportive ex), and you need someone with the maturity to handle it. A and B aren't it.

You're totally thinking with the wrong head. It's okay. It happens to the best of us. :lol:

Just my two cents.

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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 11:29 am 
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OK, time for another update...

Apparently, I've been talked up. To friends, and friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends.

Which means that EVERYONE I work with is now trying to set me up with someone.

And not one of them knows anything about what I am looking for which has been leading to some real awkward encounters.

Its kinda funny, and kinda sad at the same time. And I've gotten to the point where I really just want to get back out of the dating pool entirely and go back to being a celibate hermit.

....

And then I met "Rose".

Apparently she's been single for a while, with issues with an ex. She thought she wanted to start dating again until all her friends and co-workers wanted to start setting her up.

We met by accident trying to figure out how to bail on our respective groups/hookups.

We exchanged numbers and have been having a great time talking. Our first get together was to go see the movie Skyfall, and I think we are getting together again to see Lincoln later this week.

Its been good to be able to compare notes and chat without all the hang ups of actually dating.

So who knows, maybe this will go somewhere, maybe not. But at least it isn't forced into being something other than what it naturally is.

As for Girls "A" and "B" from before... The three of us have all sat down, had a nice conversation, and have gone our separate ways ... mostly :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 12:21 pm 
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Very encouraging! So very glad for you. Hope it work out for you both!


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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 2:08 pm 
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bnjmnrlyr wrote:
And then I met "Rose".

Did you meet her in the basement of your place of work... and were there moving mannequins... And were your first words "Run!" oh... damn sorry... I was having a mini-Doctor Who adventure.

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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 12:55 pm 
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bnjmnrlyr wrote:
As for Girls "A" and "B" from before... The three of us have all sat down together, and had a nice "conversation" :wink:



I changed this to make your story that much more interesting.

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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 5:37 pm 
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I thought that was implied in the "...mostly" part.

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 Post subject: Re: Ready to get back into the pool...
PostPosted: Mon Dec 10, 2012 1:39 pm 
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bnjmnrlyr wrote:
I thought that was implied in the "...mostly" part.



"Mostly" could still mean seperately-- if it was the together part-- by man code you are supposed to give much better details.. :wink:


and if that was the case at least get your subnic changed to a much better moniker.. :lol:

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