It could be worse.
August 16, 2008

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is 25 years older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion… Dad, she’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter! We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your son Jeff

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card. That is in my center desk drawer.

Call me when it’s safe to come home.

 

Erik here – I got this from my brother the other day.  And it reminded me how we all get caught up in things like chasing after action figures and complain about not being able to find them.  And how there are so many things out there that could be worse than not finding character X on the shelf.

 

Erik "Superfriend" Skov
"Gathered together from the four corners of the universe." Oh, wait, that's the show, not me. Erik "SuperFriend" Skov never actually got to appear on the show, although he did watch it every week. Erik spent 6 years working for Hasbro in Pawtucket, RI before leaving for a job that paid more (Why else would a collector leave the company that was making Star Wars, Transformers, and while I was there Batman). I used to post all over the net. These days I tend to hang my hat at AFI.
Read other articles by Erik "Superfriend" Skov.

 

 

 

6 Comments »

  • Chip Cataldo says:

    LOL! I’ve read that a hundred times yet still crack up laughing every time I read it.

    So true, Erik…action figures are a luxury that many in the world cannot even fathom.

    We are the lucky ones.

    Peace,

    Chip

  • Pierre Airmax says:

    Oh sweet mercy, that’s fantastic man… fantastic.

    ….

  • Scott says:

    Funny, I read it and didn’t get “there are so many worse things in the world than not finding an action figure” so much as “here’s a lame excuse for why my lousy report card doesn’t matter”.

  • John Cage says:

    Yeah, but what if it’s an action figure that’s really, really cool or hard to come by?

    Aha! Didn’t count on that, did you? Check-mate.

    Have a good day.
    John Cage

  • Thatman says:

    Heh. I wish I had thought of that back when I was in school. Might have saved me from some big blowups with my dad. :)

    There are times, though, I do feel a bit guilty when I get crazy trying to find a figure. Some folks can’t afford proper food & medicine, so it’s a good reminder of priorities. The whole, ‘appreciate what you have’ idea.

  • Brainlock says:

    Hey Jeff, you forgot to mention that you met Stacy through your classmate/her son that has an unhealthy/unrequited crush on you!

    and, of course, Stacy’s other six kids!

    just kidding.
    In fact, I did find out from an ex today that one of her 11yo twins (not mine) is into cutting after a recent spate of fights and whatnot. This, of course, after he slips out after an argument, then calls at 4:30am because he wrecked his bike and is bleeding, but he still walked the mile home! oy.

    She was SO glad school started back up today!

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