The Bazooka Wormhole
January 18, 2010

||  dΣ ~ S2 ||  Ω ~ R x Σ  ||
This past weekend I was confounded by a rift I discovered in my personal spacetime continuum. My learned AFi colleague, xrmc20, helped me to define the law of physics that has been responsible for diverting countless hours from the lives of geek-populi. Its definition can be explained best by recounting the circumstances responsible for its unique appellation . . .

||  01.15.2010  ||  11:34.AM  ||
Geek Cultural Physicist Dr. CantinaDan Neumann receives an email from Hot Topic announcing a ”50% Off Clearance Items” sale. Dr. Neumann examines Hot Topic web site for specimens of interest and stumbles upon an entry cataloged as “G.I. Joe Bazooka Jersey T-Shirt.” Dr. Neumann suffers spaz attack and places order. Levels of spaz in blood stream remain high impelling Dr. Neumann to:
excavate vintage Bazooka action figure
2  ||  rewatch episode of G.I. Joe Resolute wherein Bazooka dies
3  ||  youtube classic G.I. Joe episodes in which Bazooka appears
4  ||  scour old Marvel G.I. Joe comics for inclusions of Bazooka
5  ||  prepare blog entry for posterity


Needless to say, the earth did not stop spinning whilst I was engaged in the above outlined activities. The next day I described my experience to fellow Geek Cultural Physicist Dr. xrmc20 and he replied with the following insight:

You fell down the Bazooka Wormhole.  What’s it look like on the other side?

It looks like I didn’t get all my chores done this weekend, Dr. X. Now, I venture to guess that many of you have likewise fallen into Bazooka Wormholes. The subject matter can vary greatly but the course of events is similar. A specific aspect of geek culture catches your fancy and before you know it you have exhausted every square centimeter of errata related to this parent specimen. You do not stop for nourishment until you have achieved professorial status in that particular niche subject. You may employ Excel spreadsheets. You may max out your eBay watch list. You may acquire a set of bootleg DVDs. You may sketch an information architecture. Yes, there is much in the way of observational evidence that you’ve fallen into a Bazooka Wormhole. Please expound upon your own unique symptoms.

Early hypotheses speculated that time stands still in the origin dimension while you explore the child universe. My experience proves it does not. Evidence: Mrs. Dr. CantinaDan’s dismay that the floor did not get vacuumed in a reasonable time period juxtaposed to the point she finished dusting. And thus the dangers of traversing a Bazooka Wormhole.

Danny "CantinaDan" Neumann
Action figure anthropologist, Professor Cantina Dan Neumann has been a scholastic contributor to the online community studying the complex world of parumplasticus populus {little plastic people} since the turn of this millenium. His primary focus is the visual cataloging of species exhibits through photo-journalism.
Read other articles by Danny "CantinaDan" Neumann.





  • chad says:

    finaly always thought there was a name for when a collector goes all out to aquire that certain piece that all else does not matter. a Bazooka wormhole. wonder if there is any way to plug one up. if need to

  • Jim Abell says:

    My “Bazooka Wormhole” is the Star Wars Holiday Special.

    (BTW, you gotta post pics when that shirt arrives!)

  • xrmc20 says:

    Ah yes, the much feared Bazooka Wormhole. May we all survive to tell the tales.

  • jimm says:

    Good stuff Dan. We all have “wormholes” to avoid. Mine involved the TV and the NFL this weekend 🙂

  • Lt. Clutch says:

    Nice to know that I’m not the only one who’s experienced this peculiar malady. It’s good to have an expert opinion, Dan. A most excellent diagnosis!

  • stewbacca says:

    I still like the Devils Due Comic version– when G.I. Joe disbanded– Bazooka got to much of a beer belly to be fit for active duty anymore– and he will only be called upon– when absolutely no one else is available..

    Of course my new Bazooka wormhole- is the Formosa Disney Heroes Robin Hood Line… that ones going to be expensive to patch up– and in blocking all those ebay searched up I also came upon a Mad Madme Mim figure with attachable pig face– that my friend is what is on the other side of the wormhole– just another one leading to a related part of the universe that you then must explore– Star Treks got nothing on us…

  • Hi-Fi Guy says:

    I’ve fallen down many a wormhole myself. I think eBay are in cahoots wit the wormholes as well!

  • My Bazooka Wormhole leaks.

  • Richard Grayson says:

    Mine recently involved finding all the information I could on the Phantom Stranger, which is difficult… for he shall always remain… a stranger.

  • Bruce says:

    …and I thought my blog was a bit strange at times.

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