Tonight On LOST
April 24, 2008

Finally, the show that demonstrates that I am nothing more than a Lemming running towards the cliff returns.  Thank the TV gods! 

But I’m not really going to talk about the upcoming episode.  No.  Instead I’m going to share some of my brilliant insight on a hot button topic on LOST, namely who’s eye was it that Hurley saw when he looked in the window of that creepy cabin. I think I’ve finally figured it out…

The eye is Walt Disney’s!

 

Most of you here are to young to remember Uncle Walt.  But back in the age of black & white TV and drive-in theaters, Walt Disney was the guy on TV that every kid wanted to be adopted by.  He was this kindly, smart guy that ran Disneyland and made cartoons and movies.  Who wanted to be a pal of Mickey Mantel when Walt Disney had a flying Dumbo ride and a TWA rocketship that went to the moon? 

Uncle Walt died from lung cancer and almost as soon as he expired rumors began to pop up that he had his body frozen so that when a cure for cancer was discovered he could be thawed out and treated (some said just his head, but everybody knew that you couldn’t do a head transplant).

Decades went by.  Disney became a mega-multinational corporation.  It eventually swallowed up ABC Television.  And ABC came out this a blockbuster series LOST.  The story of a group of survivors of an airliner crash on a strange an mysterious island in the Pacific Ocean.   The plot has developed to the point that there is a strange presence in a shack called Jacob.  Jacob is supposedly running the show on the island.  Recently Hurley found the cabin and peeked in the window only to have the bejeezus scared out of him by an eyeball looking back at him.  Many theories on numerous LOST sites on the internet have speculated about to whom the eyeball belongs. Last night, in a dream it came to me:  Uncle Walt is Jacob! 

While the father of the Mouse was on ice, his people at Disney accidentally found out about the island while looking for yet another location for another Disney theme park.  Finding out that the island has healing powers, Uncle Walt was brought there and thawed out.  Sure enough, the island cured the cancer and Mr. Disney hasn’t felt this good since Mary Poppins won a basket load of Oscars.

  Getting right back into the swing of things, Uncle Walt is now handling the details of the newest theme park – The Island – and the survivors are the unwitting test subjects.

This is an "E" ticket (since being thawed out, Walt has reinstated the ride tickets to increase revenues) (does anyone besides me even remember the rides requiring tickets?) and it includes simulation of a wide-body jet breakup at 5,000 feet; blowing the hatch off the Donald Duck Hatch and visiting Uncle Walt’s animatronic self at the creepy shack.

Ben Linus is the project manager and is reporting directly to Uncle Walt. It was Ben’s idea to throw in the scary helicopter ride and the time displacement addition for the price of the new "F" ticket (as in if you are stupid enough to get f__ked by us for buying this ticket, we’re willing to take your money).

The show is just to get all the people like me that have become addicted to it to take a vacation there as soon as the show ends and the opening of the theme park is announced!

Oceanic has an exclusive contract with Disney to fly visitors there. On the flight, the music selection includes the Eagles Hotel California

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Glenn Moss
Born in 1952 (you do the math), making me one of the proverbial "old farts" involved in toys, comic books, and other juvenile activities that everyone said I should have outgrown decades ago. Fortunately, my wife of 36 years is an understanding soul. A firm believer in the philosophy of Groucho Marx, George Carlin, Robin Williams and Chris Rock. Am now indoctrinating my grandchildren to carry on so that when I finally fade away there will be another generation of odd neighbors who seemed nice and kept to themselves.
Read other articles by Glenn Moss.

 

 

 

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